Videos, not Viruses

So we made a few videos promoting our wine as being a willing partner for Turkey (not to mention, sweet potatoes, kale, mashed potatoes, etc - the full Thanksgiving repast) and have posted it on YouTube. I'll provide the link at then end of the post - everyone stops reading right now and goes to bottom - but I'm sure you all want to read about the experience.

I strapped my video camera and tripod and a few bottles of Pinot and some glasses to my Trusty BMW R1100R motorcycle - a true friend of mine (Barry Michael Winegarten, born 11/94) - and headed out to the pre-arranged location for my shoot, The Goffle Road Poultry Farm in Wyckoff, New Jersey, famous for being the town that spat out the Jonas Brothers and also years ago was in the spotlight for breeding a pair of teens who dumped their newborn in a dumpster after the prom. Babies are so interfering in teenage matters. This poultry farm also happens to be 10 minutes from my childhood home in Ridgewood, NJ and I have passed it countless times but never have gone in. According to the owners it's been there for 80 years and "ain't going anywhere." Love grandfathered stuff.

After the owner took me to the Turkey pen, he left and I was left to get my equipment sorted and do some test shots. All was looking good when who shows up? My parents. Andy and Sandy. Me: "What the fuck are you guys doing here?" Them: "We wanted to annoy the shit out of you." Me: "Perfect. Thanks." Them: "Well,our work is done here, we'll see you later." And they left after ascertaining exactly how long I was going to be having sex with the Turkeys. I assured them that Turkey sex was a pretty quick thing and that I'd be available to have chili dogs (texas wieners) with them in one half hour. They left and the owner/Turkey wrangler returned.

A turkey was hooked by the ankle, though turkeys don't really have discernable ankles, and brought out of the pen to frolic with Otto. Then the Turkey freaked out and tried to attack me. The owner instructed me to "protect your eyes. They go for the eyes." Fucking turkeys know how to fight! Damn!

I decided that going into the pen full of Turkeys with the wine was the only way to get it done. So I climbed into the wall-to-wall, shit-carpeted pen with camera and wine. The turkeys immediately formed a phalanx and attacked me with all their might. In a blur of talons and beaks I managed to shoot the videos you're about to see. I ended up with 36 stitches mostly in my face, but I look tougher and got some great stuff on tape. Hope it sells some wine!

Otto Videos